FML Story - Losing Weight

Today, my wife decided she didn’t want to lose weight with me. We were trying to decide on a reward for each pound lost. I suggested sex as the reward. She felt it wasn’t fair to punish her just because I lost weight. FML

FML Story - 250 Pounds

Today, my 250 pound boyfriend was on top of me while we were making out. I actually passed out in the middle of it from not being able to breathe. FML

FML Story - You May Kiss The Bride

Today, on my wedding day, when they said “you may kiss the bride”, I swung my wife over in the romantic fashion and went in for the kiss. Unfortunately my hands were sweaty as I was nervous and she slipped under my grip. She fell and was knocked unconscious in front of hundreds of people. FML

FML Story - Periods

Today, I found out that I puke and then pass out at the site of blood. I am a 16 year old girl expecting hundreds of periods to come. FML

FML Story - Giving Back Everything

Today, my girlfriend of 8 months and I broke up. We decided to give back everything we ever bought for each other. I gave her the stuff she bought me and when I asked for my stuff she said she’d sold it and spent the money on herself. FML

FML Story - Break Up Sex

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me in the parking lot right before a baseball game, then convinced me to still go to the game in tears. After the game, we were walking back to the car and he goes, “so, how about some break up sex?” FML

FML Story - Forgetten Date

Today, I was supposed to finally go out with my guy-friend that I have liked for a long time. He told me he would text me, and after waiting for hours for the text, I finally got it. It said, “Guess what!? I just got laid!” He forgot our date, had sex, and I congratulated him. FML

FML Story - Good One Honey

Today, I finally told my mom I am a lesbian. She started laughing and said ‘Good one honey’. I told her I wasn’t joking, and she took my face in her hands and said ‘You ARE joking!’ Then she left. FML

FML Story - Caught with Best Friend

Today, I came home early from work, and caught my girlfriend with my best friend. I forgave her. She thinks it’s because I love her. It’s because I wouldn’t get laid otherwise. FML

FML Story - The Threesome

Today, my wife thought it would be fun to bring in one of her girlfriends for a threesome. Because of the friend, I now know what my wife sounds like when she’s having a REAL orgasm. Five years and two kids into our marriage. FML