FML Story - My Dick By Mickey Avalon

Today, my cousin came over. I left my iPod on shuffle in the room we were in as I left to go to the bathroom. When I came back she was jamming out to “My Dick” by Mickey Avalon. She won’t stop singing it and her mom is coming over to pick her up in an hour. She’s 4. FML

FML Story - Messed Up Parents

Today, my parents came to the restaurant I work at as a waiter. After, I picked up the check to realize they had left me a $500 tip! We split the tips among the employees so I only got $50 back but I was still psyched. When I got home they asked me if I had noticed that they used my credit card. FML

FML Story - Drinking Can Cause….

Today, I woke up and noticed my son was not in his bedroom. Thinking he had ran away, I reported him missing and called all my relatives. After 3 hours, my son walked in the door. He was at his friends house where I dropped him off last night. My 14 year old told me to lay off the vodka. FML

FML Story - The Hiking Trip

Today, I went for a hike with my new boyfriend on a fairly deserted trail my ex-husband had shown me awhile back. In all my hikes there, I’ve never seen another person and figured it would be okay to get intimate. Guess who came hiking past? That’s right, my ex-husband. And our 8yr old son. FML

FML Story - Like father Like son

Today, my wife found out my son masturbated and wanted to send him to counseling. Thinking she was overreacting, I told her I masturbated when I was a teen so he should turn out like me. She began sobbing uncontrollably. FML

FML Story - Weird Dreams

Today, my cousins and I were bored so we began talking about weird dreams we’ve had. My little cousin turns to me and says “I had a dream you were in a beauty contest. You lost badly”. FML